“I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.” (1 Corinthians 7:7-8)
Hello, my name is Noah and I have not had the best luck in relationships… In fact I haven’t had any relationships at all. Yeah, that’s right. I’m almost 20 years old and I’ve never had a single relationship… or my first kiss… or really any of that stuff– (I am reminded of this everyday when going to a school that seems to obsess over marriage, relationships, DTRs, and “Ring by Spring”) Well I sort of had a weird long distance texting relationship (sort of) for about 2-3 weeks the summer after my freshman year of college (but that wasn’t really anything). I wish that it was but, it wasn’t and that’s the end of it, I guess?
It’s funny, I’ve never had any relationships, but I’ve had a heck of a lot of crushes and love interests for sure. After years and years of being friend-zoned, rejected, and let down, you think that I would’ve, quit, packed up my dignity, and gave up– but nope, I have my optimism still (whatever bits and pieces remain of it, that is). Out of the probably 20 or so girls (I have no idea, I’m swinging wild) that I’ve been interested in (and the 2 out of 20 that I’ve actually fallen in love with), none of them have said yes to me. I’ve been lead on or I’ve only been given cliches such as “Sorry, I only see you as a friend,” “Sorry, I’m not looking for a relationship right now,” or a straight up “I’m sorry, but no.”
Out of these answers, the “friend” one is probably the most common one that I’ve gotten. [Side Rant incoming] It always boggles me how people don’t want to date someone who they consider a friend (solely because of the title and nothing else), but fall head over heels in love with someone that drags them through the dirt. It honestly never made sense to me. The only conclusions that I could find is that this is a fallen world (therefore things don’t line up as they should), and that people have their preferences and free-will to do things (even dumb things).
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those “nice guys” that just tries to act a certain way just to win a girl’s favor. I’m honestly just curious. I do not consider myself nice by any means at all. I’d rather be considered to be kind, uplifting, and considerate of others. I don’t act this way because of some manipulative scheme to change my Facebook relationship status from “single” to “in a relationship”, but because it’s just who I am. I generally love people, and I won’t stop loving them. If Christ loved me considering who I am and how I was, then who am I to stop loving others?– even people who make bad decisions [insert laughter]. No matter how many times my heart is broken, no matter how many times I am let down, no matter how many times I am hurt and my optimistic spirit is crushed, I will never stop loving others. It’s just a part of who I am.
Though, a lot of those cliche answers that I’ve received from different women have led me to consider the possibility that I’ll probably be alone for the rest of my life and that maybe I just wasn’t made to be in a relationship. In fact these cliche answers are what I expect women to give me before I even begin to talk to them. To this a lot of my friends and family (and even the girls themselves) would say, “Oh that’s not true, you’ll find that special person for you out there someday.” But that’s the thing, what if that person just doesn’t exist? What if that person’s not out there waiting for me? Out of all the things that God has promised us in the Scriptures, a relationship wasn’t one of them.
In 1 Corinthians 7:7-8, Paul actually says, “I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.” It’s not Scripture that makes it seem like such a tragedy to be single, but our unbiblical culture and human desires that pressure us into thinking that if nobody takes any romantic interest in us that we are losers, that we are flawed, and that we’re [at best] next to nothing. Here, Paul is actually saying that singleness is a good thing and something to be enjoyed. He even goes so far as to call singleness a gift from God. In certain places such as Proverbs 18:22, and Proverbs 19:14, a wife is called “a good thing,” or in better words “a gift from the Lord.”
In 1 Corinthians 7:7, Paul calls singleness a gift and implies that it is equal to (or probably better than) marriage. Though singleness is a beautiful gift and should be seen as such, it is often so hard. I can definitely attest to that. There have been many times where I have been depressed or saddened by my loneliness and lack of romantic love. It makes you feel unwanted, flawed, unnatractive, and almost expendable. I wanted to inform you that these are all lies. Your relationship status does not– and I repeat DOES NOT– determine who you are or what you’re worth. Your Father in Heaven does, and He says that you were worth the life of His Son on an old and rugged cross. Read these verses:
“You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants of men.” (1 Corinthians 7:23 ESV)
“for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:20 ESV)
Don’t let your relationship status get you down and don’t let the words of people ruin you. Don’t become a slave to opinion and use your singleness to glorify God and do work for His glory! You are worth more than a relationship status and you are way above what people think or believe about you. Of course, wanting a relationship isn’t bad, however, don’t let that desire become a sort of idol in your life that you need to feel approved. I’d love to be in a relationship, but I haven’t found that special girl yet (…only rabbit trails). When and if I do, I’ll be sure to value her and treat her like the gift from God that she is, until then, I don’t want to be saddened anymore by my singleness. If you’re single reading this, then you shouldn’t be saddened either. You’re not alone, and I’ve met others feeling the same way. Even some of my friends in relationships know where you’re coming from (because they had to start somewhere right?).
Also keep Romans 8:28 in mind “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) Everything in your life happens for a reason and is geared towards getting you closer to God. And think of this, in your season of singleness, God is probably saving you from some type of unspeakable torture. I think of all the girls that I’ve had interests in and I realize that God was saving me from complete and total disaster! Being in a relationship isn’t always the greatest thing, I’ve learned (ironically while never being in one) Let Christ be sufficient and let the rest follow.
God bless you dear Reader, Sincerely,