“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
“I wasted my time…” I think to myself
I invested it, I nurtured it, I put faith in it… for nothing.
It seems like there is no reason or rhyme to the rhythms of life right now, as I am unsure how to feel.
I am sad but happy, sort of dazed, a bit jaded, a bit confused, but I digress.
She dumped me, yes, she dumped me.
It feels like she played me like a fool, and she made me think that she actually felt for me.
No, she didn’t… Well she did, but she didn’t feel the same.
I tried, I gave her my heart, I gave her my time, I was vulnerable with her like I was with no one else.
All this time she never felt the same, she was only letting me think that she did.
She thought that she was doing a good thing, but she was not.
Instead of being in a relationship, it feels like I was playing a game.
All the kisses, all the hugs, all the times that I showed her the beginnings of what I believe was love.
All the service, all the affirmation, all the long walks together and dedication…
All the things that I did for her… It feels like I’ve been used.
Sullied and duped.
I thought that one day I could love her, and I started to.
Instead she was wondering if she could stand to like me based on her feelings.
Who, was I to think that I could actually be happy?
That my heart could finally rest in someone’s hands. It seems that I was wrong, sadly.
Over the years it’s been stretched out so far, that it’s about to pop, like a rubber band.
How perilous it is, the search for love between woman and man.
God I feel broken, I am like a fresh wound still bleeding and still open.
I need you to heal me and nurture me back to health… because if I am unhealthy, how can I even fathom loving someone else?
Clean me and restore me before I am infected, causing me to turn bitter and ugly from the pain that I neglected.
Help me to keep my dignity before I turn my face against those who actually do love me.
I wish nothing on her, but for You to give her strength.
Though I felt hurt, I care for her and I don’t want her to be hurt, because she doesn’t deserve it.
Though, she didn’t feel the same, at least she tried to do so, and she didn’t let me go on for so long falsely believing that I could earn it.
I care about her and I want her to know that I’m not angry, but that I’m just confused.
Is this what dating is? A time for me to find someone on which my feelings can be suffused?
I want you to help her on her way, and I pray that You will give her wisdom to help her learn from the mistakes that she’s made.
I pray that she is not mistreated, but that instead she is spoiled by someone who appreciates her like I did, and even more so.
I don’t want her to suffer, but I do want her to grow.
I want her to learn from this and learn how a man is supposed to treat her. Yes, I want her to know.
I want her to know that she is still a queen and deserves to be treated as such, but before she finds her king,
She needs to know that love is not a house that you stumble upon, but a tower that is built by two sets of hands, what a dream.
It is the time, dedication, and work between woman and man.
Lord help me to find the right one, and to never settle for anyone short of a capable builder who will endure with me.
Bless her to be patient and kind.
Bless her to speak what’s on her mind.
Help her to treat me right and for her wisdom and maturity to be defined.
I pray that I am the perfect man, in my own right, that I will love her and treat her right.
That I will not be played again, and that I will wait patiently for when she arrives and that I will endure until the end.
However, if I am to be played again, I pray that I will learn something beneficial.
I pray that this thing that I learn will help me to be a good man to my next girlfriend and that our love will be authentic and not artificial.
These are the things that I ask, in Jesus’ name,
I don’t hold anything against my ex. Though this happened, I am thankful for the time that I’ve gotten to spend with her and for what I’ve learned because of this. She never cheated on me and she didn’t hurt me extremely bad. She tried to do it in the best possible way, but of course there is no good way. I don’t think that she was ready for a relationship though. She only liked me as a friend, but she tried to force herself to like me as something more. If you are unsure if you can build with some one, don’t go into it. It’s best to wait. If you don’t want to build with someone in the way that they want to build with you, then please don’t make them think that you do. Don’t go through all the effort making it seem as if you feel for them when you don’t. You may think that you’re doing a good thing, but you’re not. Open up your mouth, and open up your heart. Be honest with yourself, and be honest with them. Communicate with your partner. Don’t think that love happens the way that it does in the movies. If it does, then that’s a weak version of love.
Think of love as something that needs time, dedication, quality workmanship, and good craftsmanship. Something that is not built upon the shifting sands of feelings, but instead on the rock of Christ and knowledge. Though feelings have some place in love… the love should define your feelings, but your feelings should not define the love. The reason why is because love is more than just a feeling that makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. That’s not love itself, it is merely a repercussion of love.
Sometimes it hurts and sometimes it’s tiring, but that’s where faith, and hope (which naturally stem from love) come in. Make sure that you are willing to work with someone for your love and to not let one person do all the work. Also, don’t overwork yourself. Keep your partner accountable in their building. Plan out the architecture, look at strengths and weaknesses. Don’t be foolish and try to do everything based on feelings. Get to know each other and talk deeply about what you know, and from that how you feel. Don’t feel how to know, know how to feel. I pray that this helped someone out there.
God bless you dear Reader, Sincerely,