Forget the “Friendzone” (Please) 

If someone doesn’t like you back, respect their decision and move on… Gain wisdom and learn when to be optimistic and when to be pessimistic. Both are necessary for life.

“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”‭‭(Psalms‬ ‭27:14‬)

Tell me, how many times have you heard a story like this: 

[Story Time]

There is a guy… let’s call him “George.” George is a really nice guy. He is kind, he is sweet, compassionate, and caring. Then there is a young lady… Let’s call her “Jen.” Jen is a good girl, but she has a rap for dating so-called “bad boys.” These guys use Jen and break her heart over and over, but it seems that Jen never learns her lesson. They use her, they abuse her emotionally, and they hurt her continuously. Many of them won’t even commit to her. George likes Jen and wants to pursue a relationship with her, however the two have known each other for a while and Jen only sees George as a friend. So Jen comes to George with all her relationship problems (whenever she’s in one), and hangs out with George a lot, and they do fun things together. She tells him that she loves how he treats her and then she tells George things like “I want to find a guy like you,” but whenever George tries to convince her to date him because he is in fact “a guy like him” and will treat her good and love her, she shuts him down. Then after shutting him down, Jen tells him things like “I only see you as a friend,” and “Someday you’ll find a lucky girl who’ll love you,” etc. Sometimes, it seems that Jen uses George to feel comfort and affection whenever others won’t give her this affection, however there is something holding her back from developing mutual feelings for George. This breaks George’s heart, however, because of his optimism and their mutual closeness to each other, George receives small glimmers of hope. So he continues to pursue Jen in a vicious, never-ending cycle of hope, heartbreak, and despair until he finally either gives up on Jen and moves on, finds someone else, or hones his heartbreak and pain, becoming the same kind of “jerk” or “bad boy” that Jen would date and then goes on to break other girl’s hearts or maybe even Jen’s if he’s lucky enough. 

[End Story Time]

Now, how many of you have been in the shoes of George? I know that I have. Today, I am going to teach you guys how to escape the friendzone, so that you don’t end up like poor George. You ready? Alright, here it goes… To escape the friendzone, don’t enter it in the first place. That’s right, don’t enter into it. If someone does not like you and will hold you at arm’s length and break your heart, over and over, then don’t give that person the satisfaction of hurting you. If you’re in a relationship like that, then get out. Don’t let anyone hold your heart hostage, and do not submit to this weird, shallow, form of (often self-induced) Stockholm syndrome. Why is it that when people reject us, we become more attracted? 

If someone does not like you, then let that be it. Don’t work hard to get someone who doesn’t deserve the work or the effort. If they don’t acknowledge you or your feelings, then stop. I understand that this is harder than it seems because you are going against feelings that you have built up for a while, but are saving your feelings worth get hurt over and over again? No, it’s not. Forget the “friendzone,” and move on. You’re worth more than that, so don’t settle for less. Does this mean that you should cut people off who friendzone you? I’d say yes and no. If it’s hurting you to stay in a close relationship with someone who hurts you like this and uses you, then I’d say cut them off. If they want to come after you when you do this, then keep walking. Sometimes they do this because rejection has (for some reason) given them interest, with some kind of  weird uninterested jealousy….


 Think… Do you really want to date someone who only pays you attention after you drop them? What kind of backwards relationship would that be? Do you really want to be with someone so used to brokenness, and who has such a twisted view of love? Do you really want to keep getting hurt for no reason? I hope not! Some people would have believe that this is what love looks like and honestly… love looks nothing like that. If someone really loves you, then they will care about your feelings, apologize when they hurt you and work to put a smile on your face. Sure love has it’a fair amount of pain (due to our imperfections, it’s own) but love is not rooted in pain. 

Speaking of that, sometimes the person who rejected you wants you so they can put you in the same cycle of mixed-signals and heartbreak again. The reason why is because your attention satisfies their own neediness. Do you really want to enter into that same vicious cycle again? I pray and hope not! This person is not your friend. When you subject yourself to this, you are like an individual standing with his or her arms open, waiting for a loving hug, but you direct your longing towards people who only want to give you pats on the shoulder, and some of them even repay your love with something tantamount kick you in the stomach and push you over. Don’t put yourself through that. Gain wisdom and learn when to be optimistic and when to be pessimistic. Understanding the place of both is necessary in life.

On the other hand, if this is legitimately just a friend that you like who just doesn’t have feelings for you, then don’t cut them off. Maybe you should take a break from them until your affections go away, and this is fine. If you keep liking them and they keep rejecting you, then you are the cause of your own heartbreak. If this friend rejects you, move on and find someone else. They can’t help it if they don’t like you. You say that they should like you because of your personality, when there are people who you don’t like romantically who treat you well and have nice personalities too. So why don’t you like them? Do you not find them attractive? Are they not good enough to meet your standards? Have you ever thought that maybe the friend that you’re chasing after who keeps rejecting you thinks the same? Practice what you preach. Not everyone is going to like you. 

If someone doesn’t like you back, respect their decision and move on. It’s the best thing and more right thing to do. Understand that this is usually tough for the other party as well, because they are in a spot where no matter what they say or do, they will hurt you. Not to mention if they say “yes,” then they aren’t really feeling “it,” but are giving you a chance out of pity. Then when they end the relationship, they will hurt you again because you find out that they were doing it out of pity and not genuine affection or a desire to build with you. People have certain tastes and yes, maybe their expectations are too high and unrealistic. Is the way that they approach relationships illogical? Does it show a lack of maturity and a false sense of reality and that they might be a bit delusional? Will they eventually end up getting hurt? Will they eventually end up hurting you? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then that’s probably a sign that you need to stop chasing after this person. Just think to yourself, “Why would I date this person?” You deserve better. 

Find someone who isn’t shallow and do not lower yourself by becoming some sort of slave or servant to someone who doesn’t deserve you. I also want to tell you something else. People don’t owe you anything. Sure you’re a nice guy, or sure you’re a nice girl… so what? What does that mean? Sure you have good qualities, but that doesn’t mean that people should just fall at your feet and date you. Romantic love isn’t something that is owed. Romantic love is something that is given of free will. Just as you chose to give your love to someone who doesn’t love you, they have the right to slap it away. Don’t get angry and frustrated and begin to harbor resentment against someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you that you do for them. Yeah it hurts, but it’s a part of life. I’m not saying you’ve perfect, because you can’t but try to be understanding and make room for others decisions and faults. Just as God forgave you, forgive them (Colossians 3:13)… and sometimes you will never understand why people make the decisions that they did, and that’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Remember, people aren’t vending machines that you put coins of compassion into until a relationship falls out. 

Something else that helps is to make your intentions clear from the start. That way you don’t waste your time overworking your self to win someone who never liked you and will never like you (someone who doesn’t want to be won). Be straightforward, don’t be shy. Dating is similar to evangelism in the sense that it’s harder to give the truth to someone who you have an established relationship with already. You begin to fear that what you tell them might ruin the friendship, but believe that breaking the news is hard for the other person too. Instead of trying to date by cozying up to someone on the terms of being strictly friends, go in based on what you want. You want to date, then let them know that from the beginning. Be honest with them and don’t go in on false premises because are you really nice if you go into a fake friendship with someone based on a scheme to gain their affections? You’re being manipulative and your manipulation is failing. 

Don’t be a George (or a Georgina). Instead realize your worth and pray for God to send someone who will love God and you. Pray for and ready yourself for someone who will love you. Don’t settle for less and make sure that you are ready to handle more. Pray with faith and a will to change. It may take time, but trust that it will be worth it. Do not act prematurely after the inclinations of lust and your heart, but wait patiently seeking the wisdom of God and endurance. In this time that your feelings are being tested and you are warring against yourself, wait for the Lord (Psalm 27:14) and hope in God (Psalm 42:5). 

Now back to the analogy. How many of you have been in the shoes of Jen (both men and women)? I want to tell you that your shoes look almost the same as George’s shoes. The same advice goes to you. If someone loves you, but you don’t love them back, you don’t owe them your affections and you don’t owe them a chance, however, do not lead them on. Do not use them to comfort yourself because of your own heartbreak. If they express their love, do not be shy and do not change the subject. Don’t put off the truth. Tell them the truth. Let them know, “I don’t like you like that… I just don’t have the same feelings. It’s best for you to just move on.” After telling them this, don’t continue to lead them on. Put some distance between them and yourself and do whatever you can to be firm but loving and caring to your brother or sister in Christ. If they continue to pursue you after you tell them this, then it’s not your fault. They are hurting themselves and do not cave into your feelings of pity just to appease them. The best and most loving thing that you can do in this situation is to stick by your truth and continue to be honest and kind (doesn’t mean you have to be “nice” and passive about it, you can be firm and make sure that you are coming off as serious and leave no room for doubt).

Remember, you don’t owe them affection because of persistence. If you begin to change your mind because of genuine affection, then so be it. That’s fine, but do so at your own risk and by your own will. Do not feel forced to date anybody and don’t “experiment” or play with other people’s feelings. Now in regards to dating people that hurt you, whether it be because you seek a “thrill,” or you like being treated like that, or maybe you’re also being neglected and used by someone, or maybe it’s because of some psychological issue… I say that you should do the same as those in George’s shoes and that maybe you should see a psychologist or get some counseling (George is also not exempt from this). If you’re just looking for a “thrill,” then I warn you that living on the edge just makes it easier for you to fall off. 

In this post, I give you one charge. This charge is to “know your worth and know what you’re worth.” For, “you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians‬ ‭6:20‬)‬‬ Try for someone who understands this and who will be honest with you. Be aware of your decisions on who you want (and who you get), who you give your love to, and what you do. Do not give into sexual temptations and dishonor God in order to appease someone who you will be unequally yoked to and don’t give place for that person to hurt you or manipulate you and your feelings.

God bless you dear Reader and thank you for taking out the time to read this, Sincerely, 

Noah 

Why He is Called the “Great Physician”

A tragedy that has befallen people is that they think that they are too sick and sinful for Christ to heal them and change them.

“And Levi made him a great feast in his house, and there was a large company of tax collectors and others reclining at table with them. And the Pharisees and their scribes grumbled at his disciples, saying, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?” And Jesus answered them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”‭‭ (Luke 5:29-32)

In this passage, the Pharisees (the Jewish religious leaders at the time who were righteous according to man’s standards but not God’s) were criticizing Jesus because He was dining with people who were seen by society as despicable and unworthy. Tax collectors (though still hated today by some) were different back then. In those times, the tax collectors (who were also known as “publicans” at the time) were Jews that worked for the Romans and were used to collect taxes from their fellow Jews. They were seen as treacherous traitors and instruments of oppression. Then aside from the tax collectors that Jesus was dining with, there were the sinners. “Sinner” is a more general term that can refer to a myriad of things. This ranges from prostitutes, drunkards, those who have sex outside of marriage (and other purveyors of sexual immorality), liars, thieves, or anyone else who just didn’t measure up to the Pharisees’ man-made, religious expectations and standards. These people were marginalized by the Pharisees and were judged instead of poured into or helped. 

They questioned Jesus because, what self-respecting man of God would dare dwell with such societal filth? Jesus then replies with the famous, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.” Let’s do a small word study of a few words in Jesus’ iconic answer shall we? I’m going to focus on three words. These words are “well,” “sick‭‭,” and “repentance.” The Greek word here used for  “well” in the original is hugiainó (ὑγιαίνω). This word meant those who are “pure, sound. and uncorrupted.” The Greek word used here for sick in the original manuscript is “kakós” (κακῶς). This word translates to being “miserably ill/wrong/evil.” The Greek word for repentance is “metanoia” (μετάνοια). This word translates to “a change of mind.” So Jesus’ answer could also be translated as “Those who are uncorrupted, pure, and sound, don’t need help, but those who are miserably evil. I did not come to call those who are righteous, but sinners  to a change in mind.” 

With this perspective, we understand that Jesus’ healing power is unnecessary and useless to people who believe that they are “perfect” or “well off.” He came for those who are in need of change. He wants to save sinners, not pet those who believe that they are righteous when they are not (the great and prideful). “But aren’t these people also sinners?” You may ask, and the answer is yes, however, there is a fundamental difference. The difference lies in pride v.s. humility. God hates human pride. Scripture says that “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” (James 4:6) Human pride seeks to 1up others in an attempt to put oneself on top and he revered by others at the bottom. Pharisees were full of this. Jesus told the Pharisees:

 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness.” (Matthew‬ ‭23:27‬) 

On the outside the looked good because they did so many good religious works, however on the outside they were filled with death. Their insides stunk with religious formality, pride, and prejudice. Their hearts were hard with it! So though they measured up to man’s standards, they failed to meet up to God’s standards. There are many more examples of this being shown by Jesus (read Luke 18:9-14 whenever you get a chance), however, I’m going to segue into my main point. 

A tragedy that has befallen people is that they think that they are too sick and sinful for Christ to heal them and change them. In other words, a lot of people think that they are, simple, too screwed up to come to Jesus and be accepted by God. Because they don’t meet up to man’s standards, they assume that they cannot meet God’s standard for salvation. I often hear things such as “I need to get right before I come to Jesus” or “I’ve done too many bad things.” I just want you to know that whoever you are, you are never too screwed up to come to Jesus. That’s a lie. Christ offers a sanctuary– a home for the misfits, those misunderstood. 

He gives belonging for those who don’t fit well into society, those who are crushed by the pressures of living in this world, the marginalized, the hated, those who are spiritually poor, those who aren’t satisfied with what this world offers them, people who aren’t stable, the anxious, those who fear tomorrow and are oblivious of today, and those who are seeking a better tomorrow and that seek meaning beyond this side of reality that consists of death, decay, suffering, and evil. He offers a renewed life, a new heart with new desires, an infinite abundance of love that guides to truth (Him), and His mercies are new every morning. They don’t call Him the “Great Physician” for nothing. He heals the broken! You don’t clean up to come to Jesus, you come to Jesus to get cleaned up so that you can see God! 

It doesn’t matter what you have done in your life. The world may not forgive you, but Christ will. The world may not help you, but Christ will. The world cannot renew you, but Christ will. The world cannot save you, but Christ will. Don’t put off Jesus and His gift of reconciliation to God, eternal life, and a new earthly life because you fear that your sins are too great or for temporary pleasure. The point of Him dying on the cross was to save people. Perfect people don’t need saving, helpless people. God only helps those who can’t help themselves, those who understand their true circumstances. You may think that what you have is honor when you resist the Jesus and the Gospel, however, this is a form of pride and unbelief (a lack of faith). You believe that your sin is too great for God to handle and that you can handle yourself and that this makes you more righteous. No, this is not true but a lie. Jesus said this concerning the Kingdom of God and it’s people : 

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

‭‭(Matthew‬ ‭5:3-12‬)

Paul said this concerning the Church:

“For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”‭‭ (1 Corinthians‬ ‭1:26-31‬)

The qualification for receiving the salvation is not being morally perfect. Is you were perfect, then you wouldn’t need salvation. The Gospel was not made for morally perfect people because they don’t exist. Those who realize this, and understand that they fall short of God’s standard for moral perfection, but want to be reconciled are the ones who Jesus died for. These are the people that the Good News of God’s saving grace was made for. In order to receive salvation, all you have to do is seek to turn from the current lifestyle that’s holding you down and seek Jesus. Whoever truly comes to Him, He will “by no means cast out.” (John 6:37) Even the Pharisees could have been saved if they weren’t so full of pride that they resisted the Gospel. 
Thanks for reading dear Reader, God bless.

Sincerely, 

Noah 

 A Letter to Her

Maybe, I’ve met you or maybe I haven’t…

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”‭‭(Proverbs‬ ‭18:22‬)

“Where are you?” I ask myself when I’m alone. I don’t know you. I don’t know what you like. I don’t know anything about you… Well, except that I’ll love you of course. I don’t know your favorite color or your favorite movies or shows, or your favorite music or any of your hobbies– but I do know that I’ll enjoy doing all of these things with you. I don’t know the color of your eyes or how you look when you smile, but I do know that when I see your smile it’ll brighten up my world in ways that you and even I probably won’t understand. I know that your smile will light up every room that we’re in together. I also know that seeing that very same bright smile on your face will be my goal every day. 

I’m looking forward to days on the beach, walks downtown, traveling and adventuring, going to amusement parks, evenings watching movies, hanging out with friends and family, making jokes, and just having fun enjoying each other. I’m looking forward to walking hand in hand with you, marveling at lights, taking photos, buying you gifts, messing around and laughing together. I know that your laugh will be a delightful melody to my ears. I’m even looking forward to more simple things like sharing food with each other (even giving you the last slice of pizza), and going out together. I’m looking forward to seeing movies with you, spending time with you, and wiping your tears away whenever you cry. I want to be a shoulder for you to lean on. I want to be someone that you can confide in and someone who you can trust to support you when everything seems to be going wrong. 

I’m looking forward to coffee dates, deep conversations, and just getting to know and appreciate that beautiful mind that God has given you. I’m looking forward to praying with you, and worshiping God with you. As I look into your eyes, I know that I’ll find over a million more added reasons to worship Him. I’m looking forward to serving you and making you feel loved and appreciated. I’m looking forward to loving you, to hugs, cuddles, and giving you kisses… I’m looking forward to all of it. Maybe, I’ve met you or maybe I haven’t, either way it’ll be the biggest blessing if and when you show up. All that I could ask for is that God prepare me to be as mature as I can and that He would build me up to be a great, understanding, and responsible man for you to confide in. I pray that He builds me into someone who points you back to Jesus and the cross of Christ, all the time. 

I’m looking forward to the day where I will be able to get down on my knee and ask you to be mine. I’m looking forward to the excited look in your eyes, and maybe even the tears of joy falling from them. I’m looking forward to our future together along with your happiness and every blessing that will come out of it. I know everything won’t be perfect, but at the same time, I know that everything will be worth it. You’re worth the wait and this long road full of heartbreak and longing. I’m looking forward to it all, and I am looking forward to you. 

“Love is patient….”

‭‭(1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4)

Thank you for reading dear Reader, may God bless you 

Sincerely, 

Noah

Split 

The love should define your feelings, but your feelings should not define the love.

Split 

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

‭‭1 Corinthians 13:4-7

“I wasted my time…” I think to myself

I invested it, I nurtured it, I put faith in it… for nothing. 

It seems like there is no reason or rhyme to the rhythms of life right now, as I am unsure how to feel.

I am sad but happy, sort of dazed, a bit jaded, a bit confused, but I digress. 

She dumped me, yes, she dumped me. 

It feels like she played me like a fool, and she made me think that she actually felt for me.

No, she didn’t… Well she did, but she didn’t feel the same. 

I tried, I gave her my heart, I gave her my time, I was vulnerable with her like I was with no one else. 

All this time she never felt the same, she was only letting me think that she did. 

She thought that she was doing a good thing, but she was not. 

Instead of being in a relationship, it feels like I was playing a game. 

All the kisses, all the hugs, all the times that I showed her the beginnings of what I believe was love. 

All the service, all the affirmation, all the long walks together and dedication…

All the things that I did for her… It feels like I’ve been used. 

Sullied and duped. 

I thought that one day I could love her, and I started to. 

Instead she was wondering if she could stand to like me based on her feelings. 

Who, was I to think that I could actually be happy? 

That my heart could finally rest in someone’s hands. It seems that I was wrong, sadly. 

Over the years it’s been stretched out so far, that it’s about to pop, like a rubber band.  

How perilous it is, the search for love between woman and man. 

God I feel broken, I am like a fresh wound still bleeding and still open. 

I need you to heal me and nurture me back to health… because if I am unhealthy, how can I even fathom loving someone else? 

Clean me and restore me before I am infected,  causing me to turn bitter and ugly from the pain that I neglected. 

Help me to keep my dignity before I turn my face against those who actually do love me. 

I wish nothing on her, but for You to give her strength. 

Though I felt hurt, I care for her and I don’t want her to be hurt, because she doesn’t deserve it. 

Though, she didn’t feel the same, at least she tried to do so, and she didn’t let me go on for so long falsely believing that I could earn it. 

I care about her and I want her to know that I’m not angry, but that I’m just confused.

Is this what dating is? A time for me to find someone on which my feelings can be suffused?

I want you to help her on her way, and I pray that You will give her wisdom to help her learn from the mistakes that she’s made. 

I pray that she is not mistreated, but that instead she is spoiled by someone who appreciates her like I did, and even more so.

I don’t want her to suffer, but I do want her to grow. 

I want her to learn from this and learn how a man is supposed to treat her. Yes, I want her to know.

I want her to know that she is still a queen and deserves to be treated as such, but before she finds her king,

She needs to know that love is not a house that you stumble upon, but a tower that is built by two sets of hands, what a dream. 

It is the time, dedication, and work between woman and man. 

Lord help me to find the right one, and to never settle for anyone short of a capable builder who will endure with me.

Bless her to be patient and kind. 

Bless her to speak what’s on her mind.

Help her to treat me right and for her wisdom and maturity to be defined. 

I pray that I am the perfect man, in my own right, that I will love her and treat her right. 

That I will not be played again, and that I will wait patiently for when she arrives and that I will endure until the end. 

However, if I am to be played again, I pray that I will learn something beneficial.

I pray that this thing that I learn will help me to be a good man to my next girlfriend and that our love will be authentic and not artificial. 

These are the things that I ask, in Jesus’ name, 

Amen. 

I don’t hold anything against my ex. Though this happened, I am thankful for the time that I’ve gotten to spend with her and for what I’ve learned because of this. She never cheated on me and she didn’t hurt me extremely bad. She tried to do it in the best possible way, but of course there is no good way. I don’t think that she was ready for a relationship though. She only liked me as a friend, but she tried to force herself to like me as something more. If you are unsure if you can build with some one, don’t go into it. It’s best to wait. If you don’t want to build with someone in the way that you want them to build with you, then please don’t make them think that you do. Don’t go through all the effort making it seem as if you feel for them when you don’t. You may think that you’re doing a good thing, but you’re not. Open up your mouth, and open up your heart. Be honest with yourself, and be honest with them. Communicate with your partner. Don’t think that love happens the way that it does in the movies. If it does, then that’s a weak version of love. 

Think of love as something that needs time, dedication, quality workmanship, and good craftsmanship. Something that is not built upon the shifting sands of feeling, but instead on the rock of Christ and knowledge. Though feelings have some place in love… the love should define your feelings, but your feelings should not define the love. The reason why is because love is more than just a feeling that makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. That’s not love itself, it is merely a repercussion of love. 

Sometimes it hurts and sometimes it’s tiring, but that’s where faith, and hope (which naturally stem from love) come in. Make sure that you are willing to work with someone for your love and to not let one person do all the work. Also, don’t over work yourself. Keep your partner accountable in their building. Plan out the architecture, look at strengths and weaknesses. Don’t be foolish and try to do everything based on feeling. Get to know each other and talk deeply, about what you know, and from that how you feel. Don’t feel how to know, know how to feel. I pray that this helped someone out there. 

God bless you dear Reader, Sincerely, 

Noah Latner

Relationships, Love, and Stuff

You are worth more than a relationship status and you are way above what people think or believe about you.

“I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.” (‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7:7-8‬)

Hello, my name is Noah and I have not had the best luck in relationships… In fact I haven’t had any relationships at all. Yeah, that’s right. I’m almost 20 years old and I’ve never had a single relationship… or my first kiss… or really any of that stuff– (I am reminded of this everyday when going to a school that seems to obsess over marriage, relationships, DTRs, and “Ring by Spring”) Well I sort of had a weird long distance texting relationship (sort of) for about 2-3 weeks the summer after my freshman year of college (but that wasn’t really anything). I wish that it was but, it wasn’t and that’s the end of it, I guess?

It’s funny, I’ve never had any relationships, but I’ve had a heck of a lot of crushes and love interests for sure. After years and years of being friend-zoned, rejected, and let down, you think that I would’ve, quit, packed up my dignity, and gave up– but nope, I have my optimism still (whatever bits and pieces remain of it, that is). Out of the probably 20 or so girls (I have no idea, I’m swinging wild) that I’ve been interested in (and the 2 out of 20 that I’ve actually fallen in love with), none of them have said yes to me. I’ve been lead on or I’ve only been given cliches such as “Sorry, I only see you as a friend,” “Sorry, I’m not looking for a relationship right now,” or a straight up “I’m sorry, but no.”

Out of these answers, the “friend” one is probably the most common one that I’ve gotten. [Side Rant incoming] It always boggles me how people don’t want to date someone who they consider a friend (solely because of the title and nothing else), but fall head over heels in love with someone that drags them through the dirt. It honestly never made sense to me. The only conclusions that I could find is that this is a fallen world (therefore things don’t line up as they should), and that people have their preferences and free-will to do things (even dumb things). 

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those “nice guys” that just tries to act a certain way just to win a girl’s favor. I’m honestly just curious. I do not consider myself nice by any means at all. I’d rather be considered to be kind, uplifting, and considerate of others. I don’t act this way because of some manipulative scheme to change my Facebook relationship status from “single” to “in a relationship”, but because it’s just who I am. I generally love people, and I won’t stop loving them. If Christ loved me considering who I am and how I was, then who am I to stop loving others?– even people who make bad decisions [insert laughter]. No matter how many times my heart is broken, no matter how many times I am let down, no matter how many times I am hurt and my optimistic spirit is crushed, I will never stop loving others. It’s just a part of who I am. 

Though, a lot of those cliche answers that I’ve received from different women have led me to consider the possibility that I’ll probably be alone for the rest of my life and that maybe I just wasn’t made to be in a relationship. In fact these cliche answers are what I expect women to give me before I even begin to talk to them. To this a lot of my friends and family (and even the girls themselves) would say, “Oh that’s not true, you’ll find that special person for you out there someday.” But that’s the thing, what if that person just doesn’t exist? What if that person’s not out there waiting for me? Out of all the things that God has promised us in the Scriptures, a relationship wasn’t one of them.

In 1 Corinthians 7:7-8, Paul actually says, “I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.” It’s not Scripture that makes it seem like such a tragedy to be single, but our unbiblical culture and human desires that pressure us into thinking that if nobody takes any romantic interest in us that we are losers, that we are flawed, and that we’re [at best] next to nothing. Here, Paul is actually saying that singleness is a good thing and something to be enjoyed. He even goes so far as to call singleness a gift from God. In certain places such as Proverbs 18:22, and Proverbs 19:14, a wife is called “a good thing,” or in better words “a gift from the Lord.”

In 1 Corinthians 7:7, Paul calls singleness a gift and implies that it is equal to (or probably better than) marriage. Though singleness is a beautiful gift and should be seen as such, it is often so hard. I can definitely attest to that. There have been many times where I have been depressed or saddened by my loneliness and lack of romantic love. It makes you feel unwanted, flawed, unnatractive, and almost expendable. I wanted to inform you that these are all lies. Your relationship status does not– and I repeat DOES NOT– determine who you are or what you’re worth. Your Father in Heaven does, and He says that you were worth the life of His Son on an old and rugged cross. Read these verses:

“You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants of men.” (‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7:23‬ ‭ESV)

“for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” (‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6:20‬ ‭ESV‬)

Don’t let your relationship status get you down and don’t let the words of people ruin you. Don’t become a slave to opinion and use your singleness to glorify God and do work for His glory! You are worth more than a relationship status and you are way above what people think or believe about you. Of course, wanting a relationship isn’t bad, however, don’t let that desire become a sort of idol in your life that you need to feel approved. I’d love to be in a relationship, but I haven’t found that special girl yet (…only rabbit trails). When and if I do, I’ll be sure to value her and treat her like the gift from God that she is, until then, I don’t want to be saddened anymore by my singleness. If you’re single reading this, then you shouldn’t be saddened either. You’re not alone, and I’ve met others feeling the same way. Even some of my friends in relationships know where you’re coming from (because they had to start somewhere right?).
Also keep Romans 8:28 in mind “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” ‭‭(Romans‬ ‭8:28‬) Everything in your life happens for a reason and is geared towards getting you closer to God. And think of this, in your season of singleness, God is probably saving you from some type of unspeakable torture. I think of all the girls that I’ve had interests in and I realize that God was saving me from complete and total disaster! Being in a relationship isn’t always the greatest thing, I’ve learned (ironically while never being in one) Let Christ be sufficient and let the rest follow.

God bless you dear Reader, Sincerely,

Noah